My Last Post: '07

As i have said many times before, i cant wait for this year to be over. Im anticipating starting a F.R.E.S.H. new year. And with this new year i plan on being a new me. Someone whos about they business, refocused, on they J.O.B.. I plan on doing alot of positive things this year to better myself emotionally, physically, mentally, and my entire outlook on life. NO! In no way am i trying to make resolutions because those are simply things that most people dont even make it to January 2nd actually doing. Im simply stating that this year will be diffrent for me and that i will live it up this year. Focused.

Christmas

Its Christmas Morning....... Like any year since the sixth grade the first thing i thought about when i woke up this morning was that it doesn't feel like Christmas. Not at all. I guess since ill be having to drop out of school very soon, i cant find the motivation to really get happy about anything anymore. I feel like my future is in limbo. It seems as if i can never catch a break never have a moment in my life when things can go right for once. I finally find a job and now i have no for sure transportation to school. It seems like even when I'm trying to do something right, something positive, something that will better myself there is always something that goes wrong or something i cant seem to fix that brings me right back to down to square one. Something that always has the ability to break the little bit of spirit i have left in me just a little more. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just not meant to accomplish anything. If I'm just destined to live my life as a dreamer, someone who dreamed of doing bigger and better things but just never seemed to get that far. At this point i feel like i have everything against me. Like I'm backed into a corner with no possible way of getting out, like theirs no significant sliver of light to guide me out of this darkness. I'm trying to keep a optimistic demeanor but i feel as if threes no hope. I feel as if I really just cant seem to get ahead. Ill never be where i want to be. At a time where i am supposed to be grateful and happy i cant help but to think that Ill die here a sad lonely man thinking about what i could have done with my life......

Down...

So much has been on my mind lately. Too much to formulate into words. Too much for my fingers to type. Too much. So many things have happened this last month. Im so ready for this year to end. Im ready to start new. I need a fresh start. 2007 was nothing but a bad year for me. There were a few good things that happened to me, but as the year went on it just seemed to get worse and worse and im so ready to forget it all. I have so many problems and so many things that seem like their too impossible for me to fix. I feel like in the end ill be the loser in this situation even when im trying so hard to finally do positive things and actually doing very good. I say it over and over that there always seems to be some kind of hurdle blocking my path to a better me. Nothing seems to be going right at this point. I havent smiled in weeks.


.......... I Dont even feel like finishing this post.

A Song I Always Listen To When Im Down. Personal Favorite.

Kelis - Get Along With You

This Past Week

This is one of my absolute favorite songs (If not my #1 Favorite) of all time. I would listen to this song while you read this post.




In the midst of all that is happening around me...... i have somehow managed to be inspired by some of the little things i encounter everyday. Like the cartoons i watch, the music i listen to, the people around me who are trying to do positive things with their life's and are going places, and of course the most positive thing in my life these last couple months.......Love.......

So many things have happened to me in the last week. Regrets, revelations, truth, and of course many problems. This last week has shown me that i need to work even harder than i am now to get to where i want to be in the next 5 years. It has shown me that i need to make a lot of changes in my life. A lot of these changes that will benefit me for the good but, a lot of these changes will also cause me to separate from a lot of people i feel who bring me down in many ways, and a lot of people who are negative influences on me. I think i need to get away and make the necessary steps to insure that in 10 years i still wont be here, and that i will be happy, living, and loving myself and my life. I need to insure that in 10 years i will be dependent upon only myself and that i wont be going through the same petty problems and mishaps that i go through today. I believe i need to look around me at the world and the people in my life and realize that i truly don't want to end up like these people. So many people around me aren't truly living and aren't fully capitalizing on their potential to be so much more. I myself too believe that at the moment i am not capitalizing on my potential. I guess what this means is that i need to truly, truly, truly put away all the childish things i am doing, concentrate only on what the future can bring, stop looking back and only look forward. By in no way do i mean that i will forget my past and where i come from, but i believe that on those occasions when i do happen to get a little lost on my way to better things and happen to glance over my shoulder that i should use my past as motivation to work harder and do even better.

Tagged!

I have been tagged. According to Numerology 7 Is My life Number. So Here are 7 Random Facts About Me! Enjoy.

***************************************************

* One of my lifelong goals is to move out of Ohio. I See myself in Florida, Georgia, or somewhere else where it stays warm and there is very little to no snow.

* I hate liars. I Don't deal with, interact, or associate myself with people that lie. Sadly, a great number of people in my life lie for no reason

* I am a gay black male and no one in my family knows this but my mother and stepfather. Im still learning alot about myself and learning to love myself in an environment where i have no one to look up to and everyone around me including family hates people like me. None of them have asked me about it yet but im sure they have some idea. Even my mother and stepfather arent completely ok with my sexuality but i am learning to live for myself and no one else.

* I LOVE Latinos! For some reason i have never messed with a black male as of yet (which i just noticed last night) But i love me some Latin men. My Boyfriend Is Boricua/Mexican. I Dunno Why I Have This Attraction To Them..... I Just Do! ( I Just Love Me Some Daddy Yankee)

* I Feel like i should be farther ahead and have acquired more in my life, but in my life there always seem to be some kind of road block that hinders my progression to make a better life for myself. (and it bothers me to see people who are sitting around doing nothing have much better lives
than i do and have more than me).

* I want to make a career out of Graphic Design, but sadly i dont want to be a starving artist. I Mean im already starving....... So now I Quench my artistic thirst Drawing, Designing shoes, reading / watching fashion & Anime/Manga Cartoons. I Also want to do Photography.

* Rihanna & Chris Brown Are My 2 favorite singers at the moment. I Love that they do their own thing and have their own style.

Hmmmmm............ 7 Already, I Guess that is all. :)

Snow

I Despise the snow. No I can honestly say that i believe HATE is an ugly word. But I HATE the snow. Its only the first of December and the snow is here. i mean it couldn't wait for the month to change so that it could come and ruin the weather. Now there will be countless numbers of people who will not know how to drive in the snow. It will be ridiculously cold out. Ugggh! How i HATE, Hate, HATE the snow. I long for the day when i move from out of this hell that is Ohio and down to Florida where its sunny and warm all year long. Or anywhere for that matter where the snow just doesnt seem to exist in the winter months.


I'm Not Happy. Not At All.
:(