Erased

Tuesday - January 27, 2009

I wake up To Snow ..... The Weather I Hate The Most. I Was born in Winter And From one of the most snowed on places in the united states. OK I'm sure theirs places that get worse snow than Oh But dammit I Hate SNOW!!!! Hate It! Hate It! Hate It! Upon The snow intruding on my life after telling my Lil brother 3 damn times to put my Zune down, After taking it away from him and turning it off upon turning my back for a good 30 seconds the lil hard headed brat has turned it back on and erased all of my data. 30 Pictures 5 games And Almost 1100+ songs Gone. A Years worth of collecting gone in 30 seconds because someone can understand the Concept Of N.O.


NO! DAMMIT! NO!

NO

NO

NO

NO

N. FUCKING O.

Dammit is it that damn hard!!!!!

My once immense collection of my favorite songs has been reduced to:

Jay-Z's - The Blueprint / The Blueprint 2 / American Gangster
Jazmine Sullivan - Fearless
Keyshia Cole - A Diffrent Me
Kanye West - 808's & Heartbreak

A Years Worth Of Collecting Some Music Artists whole Library of Cd's.... I've been reduced to cinders. With no Choice But to start over from scratch and hope that I can one day reclaim everything..... [I Doubt it]. I Only have what I got now because I had Jazmine And Jay-Z Saved on My Flash Drive And Kanye & Keyshia The Actual CD's...... Music is my therapy and now I have no therapy.......

Ugh........

I Cant Win.

Just Thinking About it Is Making Me Crave a blunt or a drink......

2 Damn bad I Dont Smoke Anymore....... & I Dont get paid till tomarrow.

Thanks Snow....

Just Fucking Thanks.....

When It All Falls Down

Friday, Dec 2, 2009. A day in infamy.

As I awoke that morning and left my house at about 9 or so with my brothers,sister and stepmother to go job hunting till about 3:30 that afternoon I had no idea what was in store for me that night.....

At about 9:45pm an argument erupted. My 9 year old twin brothers and my 5 year old sister got into an argument with my 19yr old stepbrother about what to watch on tv... [I sometimes think that he forgets their 9 and he's 19]. He insisted on watching [drumroll please.....] Real Chance of Love! [Yknow those
I love New York rejects] when he knows these kids are not allowed to watch this foolish blackerdry. The argument erupts when we get done watching the rerun of the 2008 BET awards[bore....] And he turns to VH1 the home of washed up reality shows and they wanted to watch Transformers[with sexy white boy Shia Lebeouf....Hello!!]. They start screaming at him and him at them about what to watch. Their mother comes down and demands to know what's going on? They tell their side of the story and he his and she tells him like he already didn't know that they're not allowed to watch that type of stuff. He can watch it when their sleep or not home. He still doesn't turn and the kids turn the cable box off. He with the remote turns it back on. They go back and forth for a solid 60 seconds turning it on and off until his mom screams"stop playing with the tv." He still doesn't turn from the show. My dad in his office upon hearing the argument comes from his office to the living room snatches the remote and turns the tv off. And says "now nobodys watching nothing." The youngest twin says "thanks for ruining it for us M [that's what well call him]." M gets up and says "so what we can do that too" and heads to grab the kitchen phone and says you "crybaby niggas!" At this point I knew some drama was going to pop off for 2 reasons.

1. They had already had numerous talks about him arguing with the children like he is their age, calling them names, and watching what he says around them cause their impressionable [and the oldest twin looks up to us his 2 older brothers.] And he has a dirty mouth and is always cussing and using words like nigga in front of them and these kids are growing up in a rich suburb neighborhood-go to church every sunday household and knows nothing about what he be saying... They asked my dad why does he talk like that and use crazy words....'nuff said
2. I heard my dad's footsteps stop in their tracks at the word "nigga" at the end of the sentence...... It was about to go down.

My dad says "what you say?" M says "you heard me!" And turns into the dining room phone in hand. Cussing and talking shit to my dad as my dad comes up behind him and his wife behind him. They head into the hallway by the front door and my dad slaps the phone out his hand and tells him to "respect me and my house and watch your damn mouth!". Before my dad could finish his sentence M jumps back and takes a swing. At this point I'm shocked. No he didn't. I see my dad run after him and the next thing I know glass is breaking and I hear someone hit a wall[I was later informed M got thrown up against the wall]. As I am still sitting with my sister on my lap I look at my 3 younger siblings and they're all looking excited yet confused and are all looking at each other as they hear the thundering commotion 2 rooms away. I get up I tell them "stay here don't move." As I run into the hallway theirs broken bulbs from the christmas tree on the floor and his wife is opening the door and she's saying "stop them they tearing up my house.... [My goverment name]they tearing up my house. Yall take it outside!" As I look I see them on the floor M on the bottom my dad holding him down in some kind of wrestling move. All I could say was "oh my god oh my god" as I stood in shock as this was the first time I watched a fight and knew not what to do. I grab my dad and tell him "stop.... Yall stop".... He says "get off me!" I let his arm go it wasn't like I was really getting him off the boy anyway. My dad finally let him go and they stood up and starting squaring up for another round. I jumped in the middle and told them to stop the kids are in here and it seemed to calm them down. M walked away talkin shit and my dad hit him again which M proclaimed was a punk ass hit. Him mom then told him to get his stuff and go he had to leave her house. He got his stuff and upon leaving started talkin shit from upstairs about how he won the fight. After calming my dad down the boy left.... Only to return a couple hours later trying to kick the doors and windows in trying to bait my dad outside. The alarm went off and 3 police came and told him to walk or he would be arrested. After the police left he returned to play with the doorbell for about an hour. Then finally he went to a family friends down the street.....

The next day he was bought a bus ticket that our family friend picked up and took him to the bus station. They said he looked depressed as they dropped him off and the whole thing was sad.

Today it hit me while sitting in church. I felt bad for him in a way and wondered how he must feel and what he was thinking and going to do now. They boy has a warrant in ohio. It hit his mom also who cried today and talked to the pastor and his wife. She hasn't been herself since the whole thing and has been sleep ever since we came home from church. I know my dads prolly done with him and I think she's finally tired of feeling the slap in the face from trying to help her son all these years and he doesn't take the help. I have mixed emotions about it but I'm staying focused on what I gotta do....

I just hope he one day finds his way.....

Like, Seriously?

No You didn't Ask trick or treaters who they parents were voting for and if they said Obama you wouldn't give them candy and made them cry.

-Like, Seriously?-

At a red carpet interview, Soulja Boy reportedly said the following:

“Hold up! Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we’d still be in Africa.

We wouldn’t be here [in America] to get this ice and tattoos.”

-He really Does Have Shit For Brains... [Blackerdry At Its Best]-

Diddy’s artist Donnie Klang really let it all out in an interview with a New York radio station. Of his boss and Black people, he said:

“I’m going to tell you the truth … its hell working with Diddy, he never really gives you a say dealing with your career - its always what he wants. He is trying to make me something I’m not. He wants me to act Black … I’m not sure why maybe because the majority of the Bad boy family is Black. I’m not really sure if this is the place for me anymore, but I’m trying to work through with this and to tell you the truth its really hard to work with Black people in general."

-Boy Stop! Yo Ass Gone Be Dropped Next-

Rest & Relaxation

What i need is some good ass rest and relaxation. Tomorrow i think im just going to stay home and sleep. Think about all the things i need to do that will make me happy. Life is beating me up and i just feel worn out. I have recently started working out trying to get that body i so desperately want. Trying desperately to refocus on school [my heart just isnt in it]. Eliminating bad habits like smoking[6 days strong]. Developing ideas for a character in a comic/animation/short film I'm working on and will hopefully before i die bring to life. And just worrying about my well being, my health, and my happiness. The last 3 things are the most important to me these days. I feel like i really need to start taking better care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. These days I'm just trying to focus on what makes me better. There is so many people i encounter who are so negative and who are doing nothing but trying to bring me down. The negativity is slowly making me crumble, and I'm so sick of everyone. I feel as if I'm trying to find myself. I have been so alone these days, especially since i broke up with my boyfriend and he seems to be on games[I'M SO OVER IT!]. Now i feel like its time to give up the immature people, the negative people, the people who don't want to see me rise to the top and take myself to the next level. I'm tired of negative posts...... I want positive things to write about in life. I feel as if theres so much out there for me and I'm just here. I dread to one day wake up an old man and pitying myself because I never experienced life. From this day on I'm doing what i need to do and am gonna try to be more positive, surround myself with positive people, and enjoy my life. Being happy with myself and my life has always been a hurdle and a struggle but i feel as if i put my mind to it i can achieve what i have be longing for.