IM READY

It took me forever to get over him. It took forever for my heart to heal..... My foolish heart. I finally got over my first love, my first boyfriend. I went from wanting to bust his windows to being able to talk to him and not feel anything when I heard his voice on the other end of the phone. It was weird not feeling my heartbeat accelerate, not twinge, not drop in the pit of my stomach, not spark. Nothing. I felt nothing. It was a normal conversation and at the end of it I think he could tell that I'm past the whole thing. I told him how I was doing and how good I felt. I asked him how things were back at home and he sounded bitter as he replied, "whatever". All in all I believe we can be friends. We definitely won't talk everyday, week or month. Were too[2] diffrent people, down 2 diffrent paths, going 2 diffrent places, living 2 diffrent lives. At the moment I believe We definitely won't be together again..... not until he can mature. This will probably be the last time I write about him besides the casual comparison or reference. That chapter is finally done.... closed. I know this for sure.
Like I said I don't think it will ever work and I'm content with just saying the casual hello. Besides I always knew my heart would let me know.


Its been 7 months that I've been single. I think I'm finally ready to date. I'm finally ready to take the right approach, to actually get to know a guy. I'm finally ready to enjoy another man's company in my life. Maturity, self-motivation, a drive to live life, broaden their horizons, and reach their goals are important. Personality is key and looks aren't everything but they are a plus[ the icing on the cake]. I feel as if Ill probably only find these qualities in a older guy. Which is fine I have always liked older men [The first guy I ever had sex with was 18yrs older than me]. But it would also be nice to find somone around my age who wants the same things I do. Race/nationality isn't a issue but I have the strongest attraction of all to Latinos. Its always been that way for me since I was like 6.... They do it for me. I dunno. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams right now just someone mature and like-minded. Someone who wants to go places, take the steps to get there, and is willing to grow with me.... I want a companion.....


Now if I could only find one out here in or near fredericksburg, VA. I just can't seem to see a single gay guy out here. I'm always attracted to the straight ones............

My luck........ :[

Not In the mood to Post as of late.

Feeling Kinda Low.

Feeling Kinda Depressed.

Just Feeling.....

So Sad & Lonely.....

This is exactly how i have been feeling lately. Mostly because since about Easter I have been doing nothing but staying in the house, going to school, and work. I have no life and I hate it. Right now I'm listening to Ms. Cole on my new Zune[she always feels where I'm coming from.] I'm so tired of this same routine and I am becoming more and more bored with my everyday life, Or lack thereof. I feel sad because I am unhappy with my everyday life. Unhappy with work, school. And right now that seems to be all my life consists of is work and school. Pretty sad right. When your life consists of 2 things you cant stand I find it pretty sad on my part. I feel at this point I need to find new hobbies. Lately I just haven't found any inspiration in drawing lately. Nothing in my life is inspiring, nothing in my life feels alive......Nothing in my life brings me any energy.

I am Lonely because My boyfriend barely, rarely, never, doesn't have time for me. Its frustrating.

I have been feeling so alone lately. So So So Alone...........