Out

Since I have arrived in Va the thing that has been running through my mind the most [besides men of course] is coming out to my father. This has been on my mind hard lately and i just cant seem to decide if i still want to do it. I think its because the outcome could be a number of things and iI dont think he will be happy about it at all. Not at all. I was so sure i was going to do it but didnt know when..... Now im not sure if i ever want to do it. Me and father dont have the best relationship and im trying to build a better one with him now, but im wondering will me telling him this set us back at square one. I dont want that. Sometimes I feel as if im acting like the rest of america and just making a overdramatic big deal about something I shouldnt worry about. As long as I love who I am it shouldnt matter..... right? But at the end of the day I feel as if I need his acceptance. I really Do. I feel like I wont be complete without it. But really thats all I want is his Acceptance [I have my moms] The rest of the world can go to hell for all I care. I really just dont know. The one thing im sure of is I should wait until i move out to do it. Lol. That I think would be th smartest move unless by some chance im forced to confront the issue sooner......... I Dunno. Im Utterly Confused.

I really dont know what to do.......

[Any Advice on this issue is greatly appreciated......]

First 48 Hrs

I'm finally here in VA and things are relaxing. I had a breakdown the night before i was to leave because it hit me so hard that I was actually leaving the only place I knew and all the people I loved. I cried like a baby as Ii told everyone goodbye but I knew there was no turning back and I knew I was doing the right thing for myself.



What shouldve been a 7 hr drive took 11 hours due to holiday traffic. I didnt mind tho I slept a majority of it and it wasnt bad at all I needed the sleep.



I went to Crystal City and ate chipotle for the 1st time [after hearing so many people rant and rave abot their food] why my dad finished his job. (Chipotle is the bomb). My school played me. I get all the way down here to finish up the paperwork and get my classes together and they tell me they dont offer my major. I have to switch back to CNS because none of them offer it down here. PISSED!!!!!!! I SAW RED!!!! Why after calling here on a weekly basis for 3 months and telling you this was the major i was into no one saud oh yeah btw we offer your major but we dont teach it because theres no demand for it here and we have trouble placing students in tha field. AGAIN I SAW RED!!!!!!!! But in the end I did what I had to do and switched back. I Am so pissed about losing 3 credits and now my graduation has been pushed back to a year instead of 9 months. My dad tells me to stay positive and look at it as a blessing. Thats what im trying to do.



But so far that has been my first day and a half of my new begining.

Your Loss

You were Right For Once.......



Baby I shine So Bright,



and You would Just Dim



My Star......

[Less Than A] 2 Week Notice

In My headphones: Beyonce - I Am.... Sasha Fierce [I love this baby, B never falls short. Check It Out!]

I gave my job my 2 week notice and they all mad at me. But hey I gave em a full 2 week notice and I gotta do what I gotta do, I gotta get the hell up outta this trap that is Ohio. I got less than 2 weeks left in Ohio and its actually starting to hit me now that I'm not coming back. It feels good but I'm also sad at the same time. I just hope I get to say goodbye to all the people I will truly miss. Like my family and true friends. I dunno it seems as i get closer and closer to thanksgiving it hits a little harder everyday. But @ the end of the day I know I'm ready for a change and this is just the stepping stone I need to get out there and start making my life what I truly want it to be.

....

Finally after damn near 3 months of waiting everything seems to be falling into place with this school situation. I finally got the go ahead and I have been giving the word that everything should transition smoothly into next quarter. I doubt everything will but I'm keeping hope with this move.

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Hold on my mind is starting to wonder because one of the only 5 fine ass men @ my school[This Guy Ranks #1] is in this class walking around and all i can concentrate on is the way back of his shirt is moving [I LOVE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!].
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He just walked out. That is definitely something I'm going to miss.
Anyways now the hard part is explaining to my job. They're gonna be crushed but oh well i gotta do what i gotta do. GOOD BYE OHIO! I wont I Repeat Wont Miss your ass. I wont lie there are somethings I'm leaving behind that I will miss like my close immediate family & best friend. But besides that I wont me missing a damn thing. I've been trying to spend time with people but no one seems to be on it so now my attitude is whatever if I don't see you or spend time with you before I go oh well! I tried. And now in about 2 1/2 weeks I'll on to bigger and better things so eat dust! What I'm looking forward to most out of this move is A New Job! More Money! My Own Place/Car And getting to know my Twin Bros & Lil Sister. Its very important to me that I know them. I also want to Meet a lot of new people and friends and hopefully a new Boo![A Nigga can dream cant he!], And hopefully become closer with my dad and come out to him. Coming out to him is what I'm dreading most but its also something I have thought a lot about lately and I feel as if I'm prepared to do it. I think I am because deep down I don't know what his reaction will be and I want it to consume his every thought. I am far from the kind of son my dad wants that is something I've always known and I guess when I do reveal it to him I'll be taking a couple steps farther away from what he wants and I'll be a couple steps closer to the person I hope to become someday.