Lil Boys.....

Them Hustlers Keep On Talkin......

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The guy who Ive been talking to lately is kinda boring me. All He seems to want to talk about is sex. I swear when we first started talking the conversations were so much better And I Thought he was more mature but now lately all it is is SEX! SEX! SEX! S.E.X.! All he wants to do is exchange pictures when not talking about sex and before I can even get a Hello in after he answers He's asking me where my pic at? Now I aint gonna lie I Sent Him 1 [An old one I Sent my Ex A While Ago... So its Nothing Special.] But thats all you get from me. He's Sent Me like I Dont know how many already including Ass shots, Dick Shots, And other numerous poses of his body. I mean I dont mind him sending me pictures but I dont do all that modeling without recieving a check/major contract at the end of the shoot, A Spread In Seventeen Magazine, and Tyra critiquing it While batting her fake eye lashes. It really annoyed me to no end. Then I made the mistake of telling him I upgraded the OS on my Blackberry so that I could record video... Big Mistake...... Someone started assuming they were recieving a video... Puh-leeze Negro. You cant even get a picture so why do you think you getting a Video? I guess I made him mad cuz someone didnt contact me for a couple days... then last night as im watching videos on my Zune I get a call From Him. I wasnt in the mood to be bothered so I just let it ring..... then what do I recieve? A picture captioned with: Wake Up! As if im supposed to get excited and jump out my sleep. LAME!!!! Puh-Leeze! The dick better be in the same room for all of that and you aint that cute Anyway! Shit Everybody Knows I like my Sleep.

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Oh Yeah My Ex texted me at work talking bout He's mad I moved and he misses holding and cuddling with me. Then tells me he Hates Me only to text me 20min later saying to ignore the last text and that He was "Sorry" <- Tell me something I dont know... I Didnt even respond. It makes no sense to me and I really didnt get the whole thing. Besides you have a BF so why are you texting me stuff like that????

Lil Boys........

Why Cant I Find A Man??

[[ P.S. I Feel So much better than I did yesterday.... I Think way too much sometimes. I feel like im having the mood swings of a pregnant woman.... ]]

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I cried for the first time in a long time Last Night.......

It was something I needed......

I feel so Melancholy now........

I Pray and ask Him.....

Where Am I Headed?

Please Show Me The Way.....

Lose One, Gain Another

Me emotions have been a wreck lately..... 1 minute im up the other minute im down again. One Minute im as high as the sky itself the other minute im 50 below sea level. Its crazy for me right now. It seems as if I just cant find common ground within myself on what why and how I feel a certain way on a day to day basis. On top of my emotional drama and feeling oh so lost I have Tons Of Makeup Work All Due THIS WEEK! Some of which I should be doing right NOW!!!

Procrastination Is being such a friend to me but right after this post im right in the books.

Then On top of all the other ruckus. I finally feel as if im completely over my Ex. I mean finally. After seeing a picture of him and his current boo on myspace together. I felt nothing as the words "They look cute together" slipped from my lips. And it wasnt a lie they do look cute together, and it bothered me not One bit as I told him later on. I also told him "he looks really happy and I'm happy for him and I hope it works". He said "Looks Can Be Deceiving" Im Like "Yeah well you guys look really happy." I think me saying that let him know that things between us are definitely on a strict friend level. Something I already knew that but Iwasnt sure about him. He didnt sound too happy but I mean were still friends and I definitely want him to find someone he can be happy with. So it definitely wasnt a big deal to me. I think seeing that picture was definitely a test, a test I believe I passed with flying colors. And it just reassured myself what im Focused on these days, and where my heart is. :) I Dont even have to say It. Because I Know It.

Upon the release of that old flame, the guy [ Well Call him T ]I was talking to about maybe a month ago Has Reaapeared. After what he claims his "money being funny" and his phone being turned off for almost a month it seems and someone quitting their job someone beat my phone in monday night trying to give me their new number. I'm not attached to him at all for starters so it wasnt a big deal when he called. I was more wondering why when I get rid of one another tries to creep in??? I'm honestly perfectly content with being single. And for some reason I think this guy seems to be all about Sex. I'm definitely not tryna pursue something with him because for starters hes like 2.5 states away and I dont do long distance relationships. [I need you near Pa. You cant embrace me from miles away Im sorry.] At this stage im definitely just feeling him out and seeing what his intentions are. He's sexually attractive but im not laying down with just anyone. I know how to get a Niggas Dick hard and its nothing to me to do it on the phone or in the same room, But that dont mean im gonna let you Poke at me.... Nah not at all. I know for sure he definitely wants to hook up when I visit OH but like I said he needs to be felt out....

I Could use a good Dickem Down Session Tho.......

I Decided to join the church sunday....... I feeling so lost in life lately I definitely need HIM right now. I need some spiritual growth. Nothing else can guide me to where I need to go.

Reflection

I think I need to take a break from everything & everyone..... Just sit and reflect on my past and where I want to go. I need to sit and think and develop a clear idea of what I'm pursuing in my life. What I need to do to make myself truly happy. I need to truly Refocus. I feel like I need to start looking inward. Start finding out who I Am And what I want.

Start improving physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Its time to find Me.

Horoscope: 02/06/09

About 20 minutes after Telling my best friend I wish I could go back in time and change the past, Start over and do things the way I wanted too..... I Read my horoscope and this is what it said.

Capricorn

Today you need to put the past behind you. Accept what it was and try to learn from it. There is no way to change it, so you need to settle in and be comfortable with it. What you did (or didn't do) will fade as time progresses, so you need to look ahead and focus on the future. Your patience is strong and it will get you through the rough parts. The people who love you will offer you great distractions too, so meet up with your friends. Remind yourself of all the bright things ahead.

I Hate to say it but its On Point. Upon sitting and dwelling on what it said my mood seemed to lighten yesterday and I started doing some research on how to follow my Dreams.....

More to Come...