Things and my ex these days seem to be a lot better. We are friends first these days and I think our relationship is better because of it. When I say relationship I mean strictly our relationship as Friends we are in no way shape or form together. Right now I really want to be single and I think he does too. More than ever tho now I notice the differences between us and makes me notice more and more that at times as bad as I want him to be I don't know if he is the one for me. Since we have become friends we have snuggled & slept together 2x. We love each other but again we both want to be single at the moment. We are different and yet the same, It confuses me to no end. We have a lot in a common but are personalities are sorta different. I really think I'm just more mature than he is being like almost 2 1/2 years older than he is. He says I'm more conservative. like on the rare occasions when I smoke a blunt or 2 like i did in the old days[I Try to be strictly a alchy these days Mr. Cuervo is my very best friend :) ] and I have smoked with him and his friends I just chill you know do me, they're the type that they have to get high and be all over the place and that's not me I just like to sit back chill and observe things you know enjoy my high I've never been the type to need to be the center of attention i have never been predictable [I move in the shadows] Lol. I dunno I have never really hung with people my age except my cousins having gone through as much as we went through as kids we were always so mature for our age taking care of ourselves and we always hung with and older crowd and our older cousins we rarely had friends our age. Shit when we first started seriously smoking and drinking and shit we were like 15-16 hanging with people at the very least 24+ and up we were always welcome because we weren't immature.
He I feel still has a lot of growing up to do especially in the area of actually taking the steps to enroll in college and have some sort of goal as to where he wants to be in 5 years [Not saying he needs a 5 year plan but I mean he should have some idea or goal as to where he wants to be or what he wants to have attained by then]. He says He does want to be together in the future and I'm not going to lie I can see us together in the future but I don't feel as if were on the same path right now. I'm not content with living in The town I grew up in In Ohio and I feel like he is. He says since we first met each other he has envisions us as this power couple who gay and straight people alike will respect and talk about as this great couple who has their shit together. Sadly I don't think he wants to take the initiative to get to that level. He says part of why he started to distance himself from me before we broke up [I broke up with him] was because he thought he was dimming my star and that I could do better than him because I'm trying to make a life for myself by going to school and working and he's just working and just got his GED not to long ago. I told him i didn't feel as if he was dimming my star but if he's tryna be the type of couple he told me about he needs to figure out where he wants to be. The other reason he distanced himself was because I am not out to the world like he is and wasn't out and open with our relationship. Coming out is a hurdle that I am trying to get over. I am out to my sister, Mother, & best friend. But I Have yet to come out to the rest of my family and friends. I sure some of them already know and are just waiting for me to spill it... I mean I'm not flaming or anything far from it but Ive never had a serious girlfriend like the rest of my cousins my age. Ive done sexual things with girls but I don't have the desire to actually sleep with one. but anyways coming out is something that isn't easy for me. It's a long journey and I'm not even half way there. I'm not the type to care what people think or say about me but I guess with my family I do in someways. I guess its because I know how harsh we are and how we always speak our minds. when me and him first got together he knew I wasn't out and was ok with me taking my time but I guess things changed down the road.......
I guess I'll have to do a 2nd part to this post because its getting way too long
Till Next Time.....
He I feel still has a lot of growing up to do especially in the area of actually taking the steps to enroll in college and have some sort of goal as to where he wants to be in 5 years [Not saying he needs a 5 year plan but I mean he should have some idea or goal as to where he wants to be or what he wants to have attained by then]. He says He does want to be together in the future and I'm not going to lie I can see us together in the future but I don't feel as if were on the same path right now. I'm not content with living in The town I grew up in In Ohio and I feel like he is. He says since we first met each other he has envisions us as this power couple who gay and straight people alike will respect and talk about as this great couple who has their shit together. Sadly I don't think he wants to take the initiative to get to that level. He says part of why he started to distance himself from me before we broke up [I broke up with him] was because he thought he was dimming my star and that I could do better than him because I'm trying to make a life for myself by going to school and working and he's just working and just got his GED not to long ago. I told him i didn't feel as if he was dimming my star but if he's tryna be the type of couple he told me about he needs to figure out where he wants to be. The other reason he distanced himself was because I am not out to the world like he is and wasn't out and open with our relationship. Coming out is a hurdle that I am trying to get over. I am out to my sister, Mother, & best friend. But I Have yet to come out to the rest of my family and friends. I sure some of them already know and are just waiting for me to spill it... I mean I'm not flaming or anything far from it but Ive never had a serious girlfriend like the rest of my cousins my age. Ive done sexual things with girls but I don't have the desire to actually sleep with one. but anyways coming out is something that isn't easy for me. It's a long journey and I'm not even half way there. I'm not the type to care what people think or say about me but I guess with my family I do in someways. I guess its because I know how harsh we are and how we always speak our minds. when me and him first got together he knew I wasn't out and was ok with me taking my time but I guess things changed down the road.......
I guess I'll have to do a 2nd part to this post because its getting way too long
Till Next Time.....
1 Thoughts:
i feel you i think if you two plan to be in a relationship in the furture ya'll need to be somewhat on the same level and stage.
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