Just Friends

I talked to my ex the other day..... the conversation went a lot better than I thought it would. But I realize that I am 100% over him. [If this was Maury it would have been atleast 1000% LMAO!] I wont lie and say I haven't thought about him since we broke up but its been a couple months now and I am so much better without him mentally and emotionally. one of the 1st questions I was asked was Am I seeing anyone? I replied No. Afterward when recalling this conversation to a friend he asked why I didn't lie to make him jealous.. I could have lied and said yes to make him jealous because he obviously wants to know if anyones getting what was once his. Lol. but like I said I'm a very honest person and I would gain NOTHING from making him jealous. Like I said I'm over him why put energy into making someone I no longer care about jealous. I don't want him. We have talked on a couple occasions and I have politely let him know that though I have missed "Us" in the past right now I am completely fine with us being friends and that I think everyone experiences heart break from the 1st love/Boyfriend it's what you do after that counts. All he could say was Ok. Lol. So no longer do I hold any Anger, Spite, or any negativity towards this person. I feel like all of that went with all the conversations we had. I feel like its better to just let it go completely. Let that shit burn I guess. [That last sentence was so WACK but I'm going to leave it anyway. I mean who doesn't miss The old Usher cause this new Lip-syncing one is killing me.]


Anywayz!

All I really want at this stage is Sex. Thats pretty much all I miss Lmao. I want Some new Dick. Cause I definitely see any of the past 2 guys I messed around with as worthy of enjoying me anymore. Ahh if I could just find some worthy candidates. The Mission Begins........

Ugh.

My 4th of July was a safe one. It was O.K. At best. It seems like there has been so much on my mind. I'm in the mood to write but I need to organize my thoughts a little more clearer before I sit down and spill my guts. Ugh. My head is starting to hurt from all of this negativity that is surrounding me lately. And work @ 4:30 isn't going to help one bit.

Spite

Sometimes I wish I had gay friends. Friends that I could go out with and kick it with, friends that I could talk about things with and would understand and be able to respond and know how I feel. Sometimes I Wish. I don't have that much trust in people though. Just thinking about it makes me think about how much Trust I put into my only real relationship and boyfriend to date and how much of a mistake that was. How he played with me. Uggh! Yuk! Just thinking about the dick head makes me cringe. I will never put myself into that position or any position remotely related to it. Never. The time we were together wasn't worth all the childish lies, all the regret I have, and all the spite i have for that person. Ugggh! Its just so gross. He actually called me the other day talking about he wanted to see how I'm doing. Fine. Then theres awkwardness because we have nothing to talk about. So I tell him to come and get his stuff from my house. Than he starts to sound sad like a puppy dog, oh you want me to come get it, you don't want it there? HELLO! Was me not asking a big enough clue?!?!?!? Asshole. So he arranges a date with me for him to come get it. Why don't I ever here from the Scrape after that phone call and someone never came to come get their bullshit from my house. I don't like asking more than once and quite frankly I don't want to call or talk to him. Me asking him to come get his stuff was my way of not having to see him anymore after that time because I'm Done with him. He's someone I can live without and would not like to see or talk to because I don't consider Liars friends or associates. So I threw the trash in the back of my closet along with all the other trash and things I simply don't use or need. It all just reinforces my rule that I wont date anyone younger than me. It's probably the maturity factor that makes me attracted to older men. Boys simply aren't there, know what I mean?


Ugh, I Hate feeling Spiteful.

But It too shall pass.

I Said It

1. A couple days ago while laying in bed I actually missed my ex ...........for just a few minutes. For some reason a feeling came over me and I missed holding each other in my bed. Than the weather changed the next day and I was like puh-leeze its 91 outside, and like I said it was only a few minutes [I guess those moments are part of getting over someone you loved.]. It's Been weeks and That nigga gets no contact from my end.
   
2. Someone please write a post card and thank Chris Brown for that Ebony Cover. After walking past the magazine rack at work and almost tripping after spotting the picture I was Like HALLELUJAH! Man Can he get IT!
3. Damn! A Nigga is so damn horny these days. I guess with the lack of available Pinga around these days Im starting to go through withdrawals lmao. Oh well I guess I can always be celibate lmao. Puh-Leeze!
   
4. Well someone tell fergie & nelly to retire. I Mean Damn Nelly Just model some underwear and get it over with. From what Ive seen your bottom is quite Apple-y. [BTW tell Ashanti if she sang in another tone maybe she'd stop falling off for years after each album. And was she really serious about bringing Ja Rule Out on stage the other day....... Really?]
5. Im in no hurry to jump into a relationship in fact I think I want to be single for a while but i do want the company of another guy in my life. Purely sexual, nothing serious, just sex.
6. Sex, Did I mention Sex Yet? Boy am in need of some long dick slinging freaky deaky rough sweaty man sex. .....................
   
7. Is Marcus Patrick Ever gonna go back to acting? I Mean I Don't mind taking a gander at his fine self booty butt naked but there comes a time when you have to get back on track. It seems like he doing alot more nudes, and stripping than acting these days.
   
8. I Must say I have been realizing that there are some fine white men in the world. Just a few.
9. Whenever John Legend's Commercial Came on at work I can't help but stare at his crotch in those tight white pants. I Just cant help it dammit! And All of our Big Flat screen TV's are High Def 1080p. So Much Detail.
10. Will someone please tell Lil Kim to get over herself at this point please. GOAT? Puh-leeze! If she didn't ride Keyshia's Coat Tails in '07 she wouldn't even still be mentioned. Find a new ghostwriter.
    
11. Ain't It a shame when out of the 15+ A Millie Remixes Out There Cory Gunz And Lil Mama [The Youngest] Were the only ones ripping It? And Lil Mama Went on for 5 minutes. I have to giver her props on That one She Outdid alot of grown damn men.
    

Drawing Nearer........

As the end of my 2 week break from school draws nearer and nearer I'm mentally preparing myself to get back into the school mode. Refocusing on having to trek to school right after work, Yuk! I'm already dreading thinking about have to walk into there today and deal with white people who look at me crazy like I don't belong. Me and my friend @ work were already discussing how theres a total of like 5 black people & 1 Latin female who works with us and I'm and the lone black male. Just thinking about having to do this again but for the entire summer and its already getting into the kind of weather where when you wake up you stick to your sheets and you feel sticky before about an hour after your shower. I definitely have to look for another job after i get my school shit taken care of tomorrow. I definitely have to get this car situation into my grasp so that after work I will at least be able to come home shower and change into some comfortable, clean, air ventilating clothes. I really don't think ill be able to handle wearing the same clothes I've worked & sweating in all day to school all summer. NO. It cant be an option. I definitely have to get this thing on the go. I would have a damn car by now but I had to be Mr. Good Son and help my mother out thus Delaying My Progress. I swear 75% of my life I have been the parent. I could write a book about my life's daily trials and tribulations. But I no longer dwell on the murky details [aka the downers] anymore.

The one thing I can look forward to is Starting school. My major is changed and I will be starting my web development classes ASAP! As soon as I learn some damn coding this blog will go through a complete Graphic Makeover. This time next year I [with gods graces] should have a damn job in my career field and be just making my way out of the trap that is Ohio. Nothing can really stop me at this point but Me, Myself And I. All I have to do is study hard and get my priorities straight. I'm Motivated to have the life i have always dreamed of.