As i sit here in the lab browsing myspace looking at all the people who take it way too serious... i sit and laugh to myself. Most of the time i am simply looking at peoples[The Ones *Like Me*] pages and i wonder to myself why i cant be this confident in who i am as a person as these people are. I have never been the type to think of myself as better than i am or think to highly of myself or anything i have attempted to do, but sometimes i sit and wonder why do i care what people think about me. Why do i waste so much time thinking about what people will say about me in the future or what they think about me now? I dunno... but i find myself sometimes conforming to society and not just being the person i want to be. I guess i feel as if im not being true to myself in a way. Honestly i just want to be free of all inhibitions and live a happy satisfied life, doing what i want to do when i want to do it. I think this is mostly part of my desire to move away from this place. One thing i always wanted to do when i was growing up was move away and start over. Go to somewhere completely new where no one knows me and start over. Of course that never happened. There has always been and will probably always be some sort of roadblock in my path slowing me down or forcing me to go in a diffrent direction than what i want. Its always been hard for me growing up and its not as hard as it has been in the past right now at the present time, but emotionally and mentally it is hard. Its hard living a lie knowing i want to go left but i continually go right because everyone else is. Its hard knowing alot of things and just barely getting by but i have no choice. I have no choice in alot of things id like to have control over. What i really wanna know is what lies ahead of me, and if im barely making it now how will i make it when that time comes?

Friday The 13th // All About Me

Its Friday.... im so upset because i have to go to work at 2-11 which is a 9 hour shift. i get outta school at 1. I dunno who the hell my boss thinks she is but im not doing anymore 2-11's after today. Its just outta the question i really dont know who told her to schedule me for a 2-11 seeing as how i never worked a 9 hour shift before. This job is really getting on my last nerve. Then i have to go to work 2morrow from 3-11. But i know when i look at this schedule today or 2morrow i better have only 3 days or less. Im not playing. Yesterday L confirmed what i have been knowing for a while now. And now i can get over the whole thing. I didnt even let it affect me because deep down i had already known. So i just kept it movin. Im just kind of in the mindframe that its all about me right now. I just dont have the time to take on others emotional & physical problems at the moment. I feel like i have my own shit to deal with on a daily basis. School and Work is stressful enough. A Friend has shown her true colors. But its way not important. I guess im gonna use this time to Upgrade Myself into the person i want and need to be. For the sake of my own Physical And Emotional happiness. Its time to do me. Im just not gonna let anything hold me down or be a road block anymore. I can only worry about me and what i need. And thats what i think ill do from this day on.

Bored As All Hell

sRight now im sitting in the lab bored as all hell. i feel like i been working for a week straight..... hold on i think i did, almost. All im looking forward to today is going home and getting under the covers till about 2 or 3. I really just wanna lay down. Well, i really just wanna lay down next to someone lol. Speaking of someone L spoke to me the other day. I was standing outside the library with my friend who i was letting talk on my phone when L walked outta the library and said whats up and we shook hands. Can u say Progress. Lol. Sike but foreal let me stop. I wont say that i wasnt surprised tho. Kinda shocked my day went kinda well afterwards. :) I was a happy camper so to speak. Since the last time i wrote i have been just constantly working and school. As soon as i get outta school its work at 3. Thank god that today i am off and can just relax a little before school 2morrow. Besides that things have been going aight. Nothing interesting has happened. eh......