COMPLEX

As i sit here in the lab browsing myspace looking at all the people who take it way too serious... i sit and laugh to myself. Most of the time i am simply looking at peoples[The Ones *Like Me*] pages and i wonder to myself why i cant be this confident in who i am as a person as these people are. I have never been the type to think of myself as better than i am or think to highly of myself or anything i have attempted to do, but sometimes i sit and wonder why do i care what people think about me. Why do i waste so much time thinking about what people will say about me in the future or what they think about me now? I dunno... but i find myself sometimes conforming to society and not just being the person i want to be. I guess i feel as if im not being true to myself in a way. Honestly i just want to be free of all inhibitions and live a happy satisfied life, doing what i want to do when i want to do it. I think this is mostly part of my desire to move away from this place. One thing i always wanted to do when i was growing up was move away and start over. Go to somewhere completely new where no one knows me and start over. Of course that never happened. There has always been and will probably always be some sort of roadblock in my path slowing me down or forcing me to go in a diffrent direction than what i want. Its always been hard for me growing up and its not as hard as it has been in the past right now at the present time, but emotionally and mentally it is hard. Its hard living a lie knowing i want to go left but i continually go right because everyone else is. Its hard knowing alot of things and just barely getting by but i have no choice. I have no choice in alot of things id like to have control over. What i really wanna know is what lies ahead of me, and if im barely making it now how will i make it when that time comes?