Accomplishments

I finished my first year of school......... This time next year ill have graduated and with gods good graces have a job lined up or be already working in my career field.

I finally made it out of ohio.......THANK GOD!!!!! I'm now a resident of VA and I'm liking my stay so far. I had to get away from the blackerdry. I hope to never have OH in my address again.

I QUIT smoking weed..... Good times lol. I'm done doing that, it was bettering me in no way and was affecting my life negatively...... I hope to never smoke again!

I finally realized that sometimes love just isn't meant to be even if the 2 people love each other. As madea says some people are meant to be for just a season..... I'm hoping to run into one that's around for a lifetime........

I met a lot of good people this year. A lot of friends that I hope to have forever. Even after coming out.

This year I came out to my sister. It was somehow very easy to do this.I knew it wouldn't change anything either way. My little sister loves me.

I'm taking the necessary steps to build a relationship with my father and his side of my family. It took along time for me to get over things but I did. And now I'm trying to make the best of the time we have left.

For '09 I hope to•

-Get my car up and running!
-Graduate with my associates in CNS.
-Secure a job in my career field.....hopefully network security.
-Hopefully move into my own apartment and stand on my own 2 feet!
-After moving out find the strength to come out..... The biggest hurdle it seems....
-Continue working out! Tryna get my booty and my body right lol!!!! Get get get it right!!!!
Have more fun than I did in '08 and just live a happier healthier me.

IM READY

It took me forever to get over him. It took forever for my heart to heal..... My foolish heart. I finally got over my first love, my first boyfriend. I went from wanting to bust his windows to being able to talk to him and not feel anything when I heard his voice on the other end of the phone. It was weird not feeling my heartbeat accelerate, not twinge, not drop in the pit of my stomach, not spark. Nothing. I felt nothing. It was a normal conversation and at the end of it I think he could tell that I'm past the whole thing. I told him how I was doing and how good I felt. I asked him how things were back at home and he sounded bitter as he replied, "whatever". All in all I believe we can be friends. We definitely won't talk everyday, week or month. Were too[2] diffrent people, down 2 diffrent paths, going 2 diffrent places, living 2 diffrent lives. At the moment I believe We definitely won't be together again..... not until he can mature. This will probably be the last time I write about him besides the casual comparison or reference. That chapter is finally done.... closed. I know this for sure.
Like I said I don't think it will ever work and I'm content with just saying the casual hello. Besides I always knew my heart would let me know.


Its been 7 months that I've been single. I think I'm finally ready to date. I'm finally ready to take the right approach, to actually get to know a guy. I'm finally ready to enjoy another man's company in my life. Maturity, self-motivation, a drive to live life, broaden their horizons, and reach their goals are important. Personality is key and looks aren't everything but they are a plus[ the icing on the cake]. I feel as if Ill probably only find these qualities in a older guy. Which is fine I have always liked older men [The first guy I ever had sex with was 18yrs older than me]. But it would also be nice to find somone around my age who wants the same things I do. Race/nationality isn't a issue but I have the strongest attraction of all to Latinos. Its always been that way for me since I was like 6.... They do it for me. I dunno. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams right now just someone mature and like-minded. Someone who wants to go places, take the steps to get there, and is willing to grow with me.... I want a companion.....


Now if I could only find one out here in or near fredericksburg, VA. I just can't seem to see a single gay guy out here. I'm always attracted to the straight ones............

My luck........ :[

Another addition

So...... Now theirs 7 people in this household since my brother[stepbro] came down to live...... He's 19 and a bunch of trouble from what I've heard. I hear he has anger issues and is hardheaded. He has 2 kids no job and no diploma, ran up his gramas cable bill to 600 dollars ordering porn, steals, and has been locked up on more than 1 occasion. His first day here he tells me the real reason why he came here and why he didn't tell anyone else. He has a unpaid fine in ohio and now he has a warrant out. He says he's only down here for a year because he can't stay away from his kids for too long.[I ask my dad about his kids and he says he wasn't doing nothing for them anyway]. I haven't seen him since we were 11 and he was 9 when I came to VA the 1st time for the summer. He was part of the reason I didn't stay to live because he was a fucking annoying ass bug a boo. I had already whooped dat ass twice that summer and I couldn't fathom living with him everyday. Now he's here and on catching up with him he tells me how he's down here to change but then in the same breath tells me how he can't wait to find some bitches[cuz he loves to do them dirty, he claims]. After an hour of arriving he's already talking about smoking weed and starts to search the house for something to roll up in. he ends up taking some of the paper out of my shoe box u know that greyish kind they stuff in sneakers when their brand new. According to him this is what they do in jail, mind u it was his 2nd choice he first looked for his mama tampons..... He rolls up and goes into the backyard. Already disrespecting the house. I know what I came down here to do and nothing is sidetracking me. He reminds me of the typical lorain/elyria ohio black male. Its sad. he swears he's" a rapper, he pulls mad bitches, and a dancer[the boy started crumping and pop locking last night in the living room floor yall....what?????]. This boy gtta get it together today he tells me he had stabbed some boy when he was down here that's why they shipped him back to ohio the first time when he was 13. He brags proudly about this fact. All he could talk about today was finding his old friends numbers so he can hang cuz "he can't wait to get to the mall to game bitches". Complete mess.......[BLACKERD!]

On notice that he was coming to live I text my cousin and she says, "the only reason he coming down there is because he prolly heard you were going down there to live." I told her I don't know but I'm focused on me, I know what I came to do and I'm gonna do it I can't worry about nobody else. My dad was fighting with himself because he said he aint know if he wanted the headache and that he tired of the boy dissapointing his mom and seeing her hurt. I dunno yall but I can already see the tension. I don't know how this will unfold but ill definitely keep you tuned in....

[Lord knows I won't do another post from my blackberry]

Out

Since I have arrived in Va the thing that has been running through my mind the most [besides men of course] is coming out to my father. This has been on my mind hard lately and i just cant seem to decide if i still want to do it. I think its because the outcome could be a number of things and iI dont think he will be happy about it at all. Not at all. I was so sure i was going to do it but didnt know when..... Now im not sure if i ever want to do it. Me and father dont have the best relationship and im trying to build a better one with him now, but im wondering will me telling him this set us back at square one. I dont want that. Sometimes I feel as if im acting like the rest of america and just making a overdramatic big deal about something I shouldnt worry about. As long as I love who I am it shouldnt matter..... right? But at the end of the day I feel as if I need his acceptance. I really Do. I feel like I wont be complete without it. But really thats all I want is his Acceptance [I have my moms] The rest of the world can go to hell for all I care. I really just dont know. The one thing im sure of is I should wait until i move out to do it. Lol. That I think would be th smartest move unless by some chance im forced to confront the issue sooner......... I Dunno. Im Utterly Confused.

I really dont know what to do.......

[Any Advice on this issue is greatly appreciated......]

First 48 Hrs

I'm finally here in VA and things are relaxing. I had a breakdown the night before i was to leave because it hit me so hard that I was actually leaving the only place I knew and all the people I loved. I cried like a baby as Ii told everyone goodbye but I knew there was no turning back and I knew I was doing the right thing for myself.



What shouldve been a 7 hr drive took 11 hours due to holiday traffic. I didnt mind tho I slept a majority of it and it wasnt bad at all I needed the sleep.



I went to Crystal City and ate chipotle for the 1st time [after hearing so many people rant and rave abot their food] why my dad finished his job. (Chipotle is the bomb). My school played me. I get all the way down here to finish up the paperwork and get my classes together and they tell me they dont offer my major. I have to switch back to CNS because none of them offer it down here. PISSED!!!!!!! I SAW RED!!!! Why after calling here on a weekly basis for 3 months and telling you this was the major i was into no one saud oh yeah btw we offer your major but we dont teach it because theres no demand for it here and we have trouble placing students in tha field. AGAIN I SAW RED!!!!!!!! But in the end I did what I had to do and switched back. I Am so pissed about losing 3 credits and now my graduation has been pushed back to a year instead of 9 months. My dad tells me to stay positive and look at it as a blessing. Thats what im trying to do.



But so far that has been my first day and a half of my new begining.

Your Loss

You were Right For Once.......



Baby I shine So Bright,



and You would Just Dim



My Star......

[Less Than A] 2 Week Notice

In My headphones: Beyonce - I Am.... Sasha Fierce [I love this baby, B never falls short. Check It Out!]

I gave my job my 2 week notice and they all mad at me. But hey I gave em a full 2 week notice and I gotta do what I gotta do, I gotta get the hell up outta this trap that is Ohio. I got less than 2 weeks left in Ohio and its actually starting to hit me now that I'm not coming back. It feels good but I'm also sad at the same time. I just hope I get to say goodbye to all the people I will truly miss. Like my family and true friends. I dunno it seems as i get closer and closer to thanksgiving it hits a little harder everyday. But @ the end of the day I know I'm ready for a change and this is just the stepping stone I need to get out there and start making my life what I truly want it to be.

....

Finally after damn near 3 months of waiting everything seems to be falling into place with this school situation. I finally got the go ahead and I have been giving the word that everything should transition smoothly into next quarter. I doubt everything will but I'm keeping hope with this move.

------------------
Hold on my mind is starting to wonder because one of the only 5 fine ass men @ my school[This Guy Ranks #1] is in this class walking around and all i can concentrate on is the way back of his shirt is moving [I LOVE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!].
------------------

He just walked out. That is definitely something I'm going to miss.
Anyways now the hard part is explaining to my job. They're gonna be crushed but oh well i gotta do what i gotta do. GOOD BYE OHIO! I wont I Repeat Wont Miss your ass. I wont lie there are somethings I'm leaving behind that I will miss like my close immediate family & best friend. But besides that I wont me missing a damn thing. I've been trying to spend time with people but no one seems to be on it so now my attitude is whatever if I don't see you or spend time with you before I go oh well! I tried. And now in about 2 1/2 weeks I'll on to bigger and better things so eat dust! What I'm looking forward to most out of this move is A New Job! More Money! My Own Place/Car And getting to know my Twin Bros & Lil Sister. Its very important to me that I know them. I also want to Meet a lot of new people and friends and hopefully a new Boo![A Nigga can dream cant he!], And hopefully become closer with my dad and come out to him. Coming out to him is what I'm dreading most but its also something I have thought a lot about lately and I feel as if I'm prepared to do it. I think I am because deep down I don't know what his reaction will be and I want it to consume his every thought. I am far from the kind of son my dad wants that is something I've always known and I guess when I do reveal it to him I'll be taking a couple steps farther away from what he wants and I'll be a couple steps closer to the person I hope to become someday.

My President Is Black

I'm Still In Awe About Yesterday. I Was Just Waiting For Them To Say somehow the vote got stolen But It didn't happen. History Has Been Made And I Am Proud To have been a part of it. We Did It! As I called my Grandma we both shed a tear. I'm So Proud. My President Is Black.

Like, Seriously?

No You didn't Ask trick or treaters who they parents were voting for and if they said Obama you wouldn't give them candy and made them cry.

-Like, Seriously?-

At a red carpet interview, Soulja Boy reportedly said the following:

“Hold up! Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we’d still be in Africa.

We wouldn’t be here [in America] to get this ice and tattoos.”

-He really Does Have Shit For Brains... [Blackerdry At Its Best]-

Diddy’s artist Donnie Klang really let it all out in an interview with a New York radio station. Of his boss and Black people, he said:

“I’m going to tell you the truth … its hell working with Diddy, he never really gives you a say dealing with your career - its always what he wants. He is trying to make me something I’m not. He wants me to act Black … I’m not sure why maybe because the majority of the Bad boy family is Black. I’m not really sure if this is the place for me anymore, but I’m trying to work through with this and to tell you the truth its really hard to work with Black people in general."

-Boy Stop! Yo Ass Gone Be Dropped Next-

Case Of The Ex [1]

Things and my ex these days seem to be a lot better. We are friends first these days and I think our relationship is better because of it. When I say relationship I mean strictly our relationship as Friends we are in no way shape or form together. Right now I really want to be single and I think he does too. More than ever tho now I notice the differences between us and makes me notice more and more that at times as bad as I want him to be I don't know if he is the one for me. Since we have become friends we have snuggled & slept together 2x. We love each other but again we both want to be single at the moment. We are different and yet the same, It confuses me to no end. We have a lot in a common but are personalities are sorta different. I really think I'm just more mature than he is being like almost 2 1/2 years older than he is. He says I'm more conservative. like on the rare occasions when I smoke a blunt or 2 like i did in the old days[I Try to be strictly a alchy these days Mr. Cuervo is my very best friend :) ] and I have smoked with him and his friends I just chill you know do me, they're the type that they have to get high and be all over the place and that's not me I just like to sit back chill and observe things you know enjoy my high I've never been the type to need to be the center of attention i have never been predictable [I move in the shadows] Lol. I dunno I have never really hung with people my age except my cousins having gone through as much as we went through as kids we were always so mature for our age taking care of ourselves and we always hung with and older crowd and our older cousins we rarely had friends our age. Shit when we first started seriously smoking and drinking and shit we were like 15-16 hanging with people at the very least 24+ and up we were always welcome because we weren't immature.



He I feel still has a lot of growing up to do especially in the area of actually taking the steps to enroll in college and have some sort of goal as to where he wants to be in 5 years [Not saying he needs a 5 year plan but I mean he should have some idea or goal as to where he wants to be or what he wants to have attained by then]. He says He does want to be together in the future and I'm not going to lie I can see us together in the future but I don't feel as if were on the same path right now. I'm not content with living in The town I grew up in In Ohio and I feel like he is. He says since we first met each other he has envisions us as this power couple who gay and straight people alike will respect and talk about as this great couple who has their shit together. Sadly I don't think he wants to take the initiative to get to that level. He says part of why he started to distance himself from me before we broke up [I broke up with him] was because he thought he was dimming my star and that I could do better than him because I'm trying to make a life for myself by going to school and working and he's just working and just got his GED not to long ago. I told him i didn't feel as if he was dimming my star but if he's tryna be the type of couple he told me about he needs to figure out where he wants to be. The other reason he distanced himself was because I am not out to the world like he is and wasn't out and open with our relationship. Coming out is a hurdle that I am trying to get over. I am out to my sister, Mother, & best friend. But I Have yet to come out to the rest of my family and friends. I sure some of them already know and are just waiting for me to spill it... I mean I'm not flaming or anything far from it but Ive never had a serious girlfriend like the rest of my cousins my age. Ive done sexual things with girls but I don't have the desire to actually sleep with one. but anyways coming out is something that isn't easy for me. It's a long journey and I'm not even half way there. I'm not the type to care what people think or say about me but I guess with my family I do in someways. I guess its because I know how harsh we are and how we always speak our minds. when me and him first got together he knew I wasn't out and was ok with me taking my time but I guess things changed down the road.......


I guess I'll have to do a 2nd part to this post because its getting way too long

Till Next Time.....

In The Last Couple Days.....

Things have been good for me lately besides the fact that I have been so damn busy these days. It seems like I never have a spare moment for myself. Work is work besides the fact that I have been being constantly disturbed and lightweight stalked by a co-worker-----
--------------
If You haven't Got that new Jazmine Sullivan - Fearless,


Robin Thicke - Something Else,



or T.I. - Paper Trail [I'm a Weezy F Baby Fan to the fullest But im sorry T.I. Did it this time around]

You are definitely missing out.
These are most definitely the best Albums I have heard 08 thus far. I cant stop listening to Fearless Since I got it a couple days ago its just so unique and strong theres no one like her she will definitely be around till the end. Mr. Thicke definitely stepped it up from "Evolution" which was already damn good IMHO[damn that white boy is soulful & damn cute I might add], and quite frankly this is T.I.'s best album to date[I think its his first front to backer]. These albums should definitely win some damn Grammy's this year IMO.

----- Now back to our scheduled programming.

This chick has been honestly trying to get with me since last december[I wrote about her in my last random post] and cant get the clue. Not a day goes by where shes not hitting on me. Shes very desperate and seems like the psycho stalker type [You know the type that invite you over tie you up in they house and go on about they daily routine like you aint dying in the basement or something]. but appareantly this chick has been lying on me telling people on the front end of the store that me and her are dating and that we go out all the time. Excuse me???/??? Arent you 30+ so why are you still lying like your in highschool. I was happy when she seemed to be ignoring me for a week but tuesday she came back stronger than ever. But not only has she been lying on me shes been lying on cashiers saying she gets drunk with these underage girls at her house, hitting on another male cashier who just turned 18 mind you and then i hear shes lying on other people and getting into it with other people who work in the store. My black ass is not one to be lied on [one thing i cant stand is a liar] and if we wasnt in the workplace her ass woulda been Stomped Out I Repeat Stomped Out from one or a few of my many cousins. But anyways I went to the HR who wasnt at work that day so i went to the Next person in charge. I told him the whole history about how she been tryna get me since last december and when she was on medical leave was sending me messages through another co-worker, and how now that shes back she's relentless. I told him I dont have a problem working with her I just want her outta my hair. Well appareantly everybody she been lying on and getting into it with have went to the HR. I mean im not tryna get the girl fired like I said I dont mind working with her cause we work on opposite ends of the store but it sounds like to me the people on the front end want her gone and they all complaining and my inside source tells me she could get in trouble for sexual harrassment because the guy who just turned 18 went and told asap and says she be saying sexual things to him..... Again 30+......... I was just happy today she was ignoring me so maybe the manager told her to calm it down. I dont know ill have to keep you updated on her fate.

School is getting harder and with all the hours they been scheduling me at work its hard to study. I got a low C on my midterm which a nigga was not happy about. [Damn Computer Programming!] And the damn registrar still aint sent my transfer papers. I guess im going to have to call and remind her my black ass is tryna be gone out of ohio by the end of november I mean damn lick the stamp already!

Me and my good amiga Memphiz are planning a new blog dedicated To Music, Art, Fashion, Design, Decor and plethora of other things. Its still in the works So ill definitely let you know when that can be checked out.

Things with my Ex are good but thats a whole nother post that im going to write about shortly......


Lord Knows I need a Mental And Physical Break!!!!!!!!!!!!


Till Next Time........

U

I didn't hear from U for almost 2 months and then I find out U R engaged.

I'm Hurt.

Less than a week after congratulating U on Ur Engagement I get a call.

He did U wrong The engagement is Over.

U Apologize, We Talk, We Chill, We're friends.

We let the past be the past

I Let U Back In.

U and I Embrace and it feels like We never ended....

But We are just Friends, That Is Certain.

I Hope this isn't a mistake.

Time Will Tell......

Random Thoughts

You're 40+ and you drank the last of the Kool-Aid and put the empty jar back in the fridge...... Right........40+...........Really?!?!

Are you mad cuz when I texted you I didnt say hi first. PUH-LEEZE!

Are You A 30+ Grown Woman With 2 Kids In HS, Making As Much Money As I Do, Stay Looking Manly& A Hot mess, Wont take a hint, Cant get a clue, And Really STILL trying To Hit On Me since last december...........Girl STOP! It Aint Happening!

Why do you make more money than I Do Have a higher Position and still Manage to be
Intimidated By Me?

Girl Are you still on Project Runway! That Was Not Hip-Hop! You ass better be leaving next Epi.

Will somebody please get Donnie(Of Making The Band 4) Some damn Dance lessons He's A Horrible performer not only on stage but in the damn videos. He cant even 2 step. I mean really Diddy? Speaking of MTB4 That damn Robert Is Just so Damn Fine......

Will Bow Wow ever grow Up. Marco Polo..................Seriously????............................Seriously???? [I played that game in the Kiddie pool PUHLEEZE!] Ultimate step backward in Your career.

As Much as I cant stand Khia Whenever I see something about her I have to stop and read it. She's Just Too Hilarious!


She Dont Wanna Be Saved



Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk

Did anyone else cringe when they saw that R.Kelly interview saying he has teenage friends....... Innocent my ass......

New Layout

NEW LAYOUT COURTESY OF MEMPHIZ OF Memphiz Soul! CHECK HER OUT!

After Break

I thought I would be able to post something a lot sooner but it seems since this quarter has started I have been out of the loop and struggling to get back into the swing of things. But to make along story short because for some reason now that I have a second to post I don't even feel like it lol.

But anyways......

I have made the decision to move with my father. I figure I'm not achieving anything here in Ohio so why not try to create a fresh start for myself somewhere else. And he lives somewhere near D.C. so I figure I will find a way better job after graduating school then I would around here. Plus he is trying to help me get on my feet with a car and an apartment something no one down here is even considering. So everything is pointing me in that direction and god knows that I have been praying for a clear direction, a clear path that I should embark on and this seems to be the one. So now I just need to mentally prepare for this move and get my transfer shit together because before I know it, it will be the end of November and I will be making that trip.

School just started last week and after a 2 week break from it I have totally lost most the information I thought I had retained. I guess instead of chilling I should been keeping my nose in the books. But that break was really needed.

Lately I have been hating being "celibate". O.k. I'm not really Celibate but after the lack of sex that has come my way and the fact that I haven't had any in months upon months upon months I feel like I'm Celibate. I mean I'm really in need of some Male on Male Physicality With some Gorgeous Specimen of a man. Ive never been into anonymous sex not knocking anyone who is but I'm just not into it. Especially with everything running rampant these days[HIV,STD I DON'T NEED EM!!!!]. But I'm not ready for another relationship, but maybe a friend.

Other than that I have been feeling mad creative and It just seems I don't have the time or the space to let it all out.

What am I to do.


Till Next Time.....

Missing In Action

Hola Amigos.....

I know I been gone for a minute but trust and believe as soon as I pay this bill and get my Internet back on a nigga will be posting again. I'm so behind on reading everyones shit i'll prolly be at the computer for a whole 2-3 hours just catching up. Cant Wait.

See You All Soon.

Journey |

"Keep In Mind I'm An Artist & I'm Sensitive About My Shit" - Erykah Badu

I'm on a journey
I'm on a quest to find
The man within myself
The man within my mind
The man within my heart
The man I want to be
The man that truly lives and breathes deep inside of me
So many examples
So much inspiration
But what I feel I lack is Drive & Motivation
Puzzled at myself
As the sun begins to set
Puzzled as to why
I'm not doing my best
Puzzled Still
But I try to collect the pieces of my broken spirit
Cry's and Pain from within myself
But I dare let no one hear it
A million pieces scattered
And I journey to collect each one
To mold them And unite each piece

Until my soul Shines

Again

Like The Sun....

"Copy written, So Don't Copy Me" - Missy Elliot
[Yeah My Shit Is Already Copyrighted. So Don't Try And Steal My Shit.] ;)

Copyright © 2009 LD

All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission.

Not In the mood to Post as of late.

Feeling Kinda Low.

Feeling Kinda Depressed.

Just Feeling.....

Just Friends

I talked to my ex the other day..... the conversation went a lot better than I thought it would. But I realize that I am 100% over him. [If this was Maury it would have been atleast 1000% LMAO!] I wont lie and say I haven't thought about him since we broke up but its been a couple months now and I am so much better without him mentally and emotionally. one of the 1st questions I was asked was Am I seeing anyone? I replied No. Afterward when recalling this conversation to a friend he asked why I didn't lie to make him jealous.. I could have lied and said yes to make him jealous because he obviously wants to know if anyones getting what was once his. Lol. but like I said I'm a very honest person and I would gain NOTHING from making him jealous. Like I said I'm over him why put energy into making someone I no longer care about jealous. I don't want him. We have talked on a couple occasions and I have politely let him know that though I have missed "Us" in the past right now I am completely fine with us being friends and that I think everyone experiences heart break from the 1st love/Boyfriend it's what you do after that counts. All he could say was Ok. Lol. So no longer do I hold any Anger, Spite, or any negativity towards this person. I feel like all of that went with all the conversations we had. I feel like its better to just let it go completely. Let that shit burn I guess. [That last sentence was so WACK but I'm going to leave it anyway. I mean who doesn't miss The old Usher cause this new Lip-syncing one is killing me.]


Anywayz!

All I really want at this stage is Sex. Thats pretty much all I miss Lmao. I want Some new Dick. Cause I definitely see any of the past 2 guys I messed around with as worthy of enjoying me anymore. Ahh if I could just find some worthy candidates. The Mission Begins........

Ugh.

My 4th of July was a safe one. It was O.K. At best. It seems like there has been so much on my mind. I'm in the mood to write but I need to organize my thoughts a little more clearer before I sit down and spill my guts. Ugh. My head is starting to hurt from all of this negativity that is surrounding me lately. And work @ 4:30 isn't going to help one bit.

Spite

Sometimes I wish I had gay friends. Friends that I could go out with and kick it with, friends that I could talk about things with and would understand and be able to respond and know how I feel. Sometimes I Wish. I don't have that much trust in people though. Just thinking about it makes me think about how much Trust I put into my only real relationship and boyfriend to date and how much of a mistake that was. How he played with me. Uggh! Yuk! Just thinking about the dick head makes me cringe. I will never put myself into that position or any position remotely related to it. Never. The time we were together wasn't worth all the childish lies, all the regret I have, and all the spite i have for that person. Ugggh! Its just so gross. He actually called me the other day talking about he wanted to see how I'm doing. Fine. Then theres awkwardness because we have nothing to talk about. So I tell him to come and get his stuff from my house. Than he starts to sound sad like a puppy dog, oh you want me to come get it, you don't want it there? HELLO! Was me not asking a big enough clue?!?!?!? Asshole. So he arranges a date with me for him to come get it. Why don't I ever here from the Scrape after that phone call and someone never came to come get their bullshit from my house. I don't like asking more than once and quite frankly I don't want to call or talk to him. Me asking him to come get his stuff was my way of not having to see him anymore after that time because I'm Done with him. He's someone I can live without and would not like to see or talk to because I don't consider Liars friends or associates. So I threw the trash in the back of my closet along with all the other trash and things I simply don't use or need. It all just reinforces my rule that I wont date anyone younger than me. It's probably the maturity factor that makes me attracted to older men. Boys simply aren't there, know what I mean?


Ugh, I Hate feeling Spiteful.

But It too shall pass.

I Said It

1. A couple days ago while laying in bed I actually missed my ex ...........for just a few minutes. For some reason a feeling came over me and I missed holding each other in my bed. Than the weather changed the next day and I was like puh-leeze its 91 outside, and like I said it was only a few minutes [I guess those moments are part of getting over someone you loved.]. It's Been weeks and That nigga gets no contact from my end.
   
2. Someone please write a post card and thank Chris Brown for that Ebony Cover. After walking past the magazine rack at work and almost tripping after spotting the picture I was Like HALLELUJAH! Man Can he get IT!
3. Damn! A Nigga is so damn horny these days. I guess with the lack of available Pinga around these days Im starting to go through withdrawals lmao. Oh well I guess I can always be celibate lmao. Puh-Leeze!
   
4. Well someone tell fergie & nelly to retire. I Mean Damn Nelly Just model some underwear and get it over with. From what Ive seen your bottom is quite Apple-y. [BTW tell Ashanti if she sang in another tone maybe she'd stop falling off for years after each album. And was she really serious about bringing Ja Rule Out on stage the other day....... Really?]
5. Im in no hurry to jump into a relationship in fact I think I want to be single for a while but i do want the company of another guy in my life. Purely sexual, nothing serious, just sex.
6. Sex, Did I mention Sex Yet? Boy am in need of some long dick slinging freaky deaky rough sweaty man sex. .....................
   
7. Is Marcus Patrick Ever gonna go back to acting? I Mean I Don't mind taking a gander at his fine self booty butt naked but there comes a time when you have to get back on track. It seems like he doing alot more nudes, and stripping than acting these days.
   
8. I Must say I have been realizing that there are some fine white men in the world. Just a few.
9. Whenever John Legend's Commercial Came on at work I can't help but stare at his crotch in those tight white pants. I Just cant help it dammit! And All of our Big Flat screen TV's are High Def 1080p. So Much Detail.
10. Will someone please tell Lil Kim to get over herself at this point please. GOAT? Puh-leeze! If she didn't ride Keyshia's Coat Tails in '07 she wouldn't even still be mentioned. Find a new ghostwriter.
    
11. Ain't It a shame when out of the 15+ A Millie Remixes Out There Cory Gunz And Lil Mama [The Youngest] Were the only ones ripping It? And Lil Mama Went on for 5 minutes. I have to giver her props on That one She Outdid alot of grown damn men.
    

Drawing Nearer........

As the end of my 2 week break from school draws nearer and nearer I'm mentally preparing myself to get back into the school mode. Refocusing on having to trek to school right after work, Yuk! I'm already dreading thinking about have to walk into there today and deal with white people who look at me crazy like I don't belong. Me and my friend @ work were already discussing how theres a total of like 5 black people & 1 Latin female who works with us and I'm and the lone black male. Just thinking about having to do this again but for the entire summer and its already getting into the kind of weather where when you wake up you stick to your sheets and you feel sticky before about an hour after your shower. I definitely have to look for another job after i get my school shit taken care of tomorrow. I definitely have to get this car situation into my grasp so that after work I will at least be able to come home shower and change into some comfortable, clean, air ventilating clothes. I really don't think ill be able to handle wearing the same clothes I've worked & sweating in all day to school all summer. NO. It cant be an option. I definitely have to get this thing on the go. I would have a damn car by now but I had to be Mr. Good Son and help my mother out thus Delaying My Progress. I swear 75% of my life I have been the parent. I could write a book about my life's daily trials and tribulations. But I no longer dwell on the murky details [aka the downers] anymore.

The one thing I can look forward to is Starting school. My major is changed and I will be starting my web development classes ASAP! As soon as I learn some damn coding this blog will go through a complete Graphic Makeover. This time next year I [with gods graces] should have a damn job in my career field and be just making my way out of the trap that is Ohio. Nothing can really stop me at this point but Me, Myself And I. All I have to do is study hard and get my priorities straight. I'm Motivated to have the life i have always dreamed of.

Fuck You / Bitch I'm Actin' Brand New!

It's All About Me These Days.

And like the title says Fuck you if you don't like it. Anyone whose remotely close to me knows that I'm a very outspoken person. I tell you exactly what I think and if you don't like it. I really don't care. But I'm gonna say it. I sugar coat NOTHING! And If you don't like it........well you know where to go. But right now It's all about my happiness at this point. I realize after putting so much of myself out there for one person and it all meaning nothing to them and all of it crashing back down on me, I'm so over it at this point. I will never sacrifice my feelings or lay them out there for another human being to toy with & stomp all over. My attitude has definitely changed in just these past couple days. I feel like now if it doesn't benefit me to hell with it. If your blocking my happiness you have to be expunged. If your stopping my progress I'll Step on you with my new pair of Dunks. @ this point if you ain't talking bout progress why we speaking? I cant worry about others peoples feelings I'm on my way to the top and if you ain't on rising to the top with me ill leave you at the bottom with the rest of them fools. If anything you can call me the puppeteer cause I'm gonna be pulling the strings from now on. I Just feel like its time to get a grip on things and start controlling the outcome. As My girl Mary J. said, "No More Drama" and I definitely feel if I want to be happy and your in the way well you can either walk along side me or fall back. It's Time for me to have my front as well as my back. And any stragglers that get in the way can eat dirt as it kicks up from behind me. Hate Ir Or Love It Either Way It's The Way It is.

Again,

Fuck You / Bitch I'm Actin' Brand New! - Lil Wayne

Exhausted

Tomorrow could be life changing for me. Depending on if I get this job life could become so much easier for me. I would be able to afford all the necessities I need and it would get my foot in the door on getting out on my own. If I get hired at this JOB I could finally purchase a car, an apartment, and start focusing on Me, Myself, and I. Everything would start to fall into place. There would be so much I wouldn't have to worry about. Everything would come together.

These last couple weeks have been draining my energy. Between work and finals everything is taking a toll on my state of mind. I'm so mentally & physically drained. I'm always tired and I can never have a decent nights sleep. All the beautiful weight I had gained is gone, and now I weigh less than what I did before. My body is drained. I feel like all my Energy is being sucked away from me by some unknown source. And I hate not being well rested and having Energy. I just feel depleted. Thank God that after tomorrow ill have a 2 week and I repeat 2 week break from school finals will be over. Hopefully ill have a new job after tomorrow also. I'm Praying.

HIATUS

I have decided to take a short hiatus from blogging. I am going to take a week or 2 break from this thing[I'm Just a little bored i guess]. I'm just going to time to refocus on school, purchasing a car, My Art, Trying to get an apartment, and other important things that I need to take complete and utter focus on at the moment. I'm 21 and time is doing nothing but passing me by. Its time to get myself in the game and get the things I want before this summer is over. And Before my deadline of 23. Lol. I'll continue to write comments and read others blog but for myself I wont be posting for a while.

[I Need A Nap!]


*PRIMO

Time To Move On.....

Lately things have been horrible for me. Lets just say I have been getting the short end of the stick for a while now from my boyfriend. It took me forever but I prayed on it and I asked god to send me a sign and I felt like he did in more than one form. And then I began to think about all the conversations I had with my boyfriend and then it clicked..... He obviously didn't need to be my boyfriend anymore. So like my girl Keyshia Cole I let that nigga go. And honestly after I did I felt like something had been lifted and lately I have been feeling so good lately. Honestly, Damn Good!

After I did it, I honestly wondered why I hadn't done it earlier. All the signs were there and I put my feelings to the side ignoring them for a love that was fading [On his end] and a relationship that I seemed to be in alone. I didn't want to do it over the phone but like i said he didn't want to take the 5 minutes it takes to drive over my house so I did it over the phone. Oh Damn Well! After the 2nd day I had to to what i had to do. Shit I got tired of being in a long distance relationship with someone who lives 5 minutes away. I guess this all goes back to my saying that I shouldn't date Younger than me because for the 2nd time, it didn't work.

But now I feel honestly refreshed and ready to do me. I feel like the negative element is behind me and I have nothing but positive things to look forward too. And the process of building structure begins.......


[Yo, Pray For Me .]


:)

So Sad & Lonely.....

This is exactly how i have been feeling lately. Mostly because since about Easter I have been doing nothing but staying in the house, going to school, and work. I have no life and I hate it. Right now I'm listening to Ms. Cole on my new Zune[she always feels where I'm coming from.] I'm so tired of this same routine and I am becoming more and more bored with my everyday life, Or lack thereof. I feel sad because I am unhappy with my everyday life. Unhappy with work, school. And right now that seems to be all my life consists of is work and school. Pretty sad right. When your life consists of 2 things you cant stand I find it pretty sad on my part. I feel at this point I need to find new hobbies. Lately I just haven't found any inspiration in drawing lately. Nothing in my life is inspiring, nothing in my life feels alive......Nothing in my life brings me any energy.

I am Lonely because My boyfriend barely, rarely, never, doesn't have time for me. Its frustrating.

I have been feeling so alone lately. So So So Alone...........

RANDOM RANT

I MISS MY BESTFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


DAMN 2 WEEKS IS TAKING TOO DAMN LONG TO PASS!

I MEAN SHE'S ALREADY ACROSS SEAS BUT NOW I CANT EVEN TALK TO HER ON AIM!

COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



[END RANT]

New Career Outlook?!? Maybe?!?

Lately I've been thinking about switching my major to web design. I feel that this would be more beneficial to a career in graphic design later down the line don't ya think? The problem it is it may cost me more money. Since i may already have taken classes that i don't need for the Web Design degree. Decisions Decisions..........But i think I'm going to go ahead and switch over anyway after a little more research.


My best friend is traveling across Europe for the next 2 weeks. Lucky Bitch! The only bad thing is that I will have no contact with her for the next 2 weeks which sucks. SUCKS!!!!!

I probably wont see my boyfriend for a while either. Yesterday he told me he doesn't have a day off until next week. He's now a shift leader at his job but first has to take a test to be shift manager and get his raise. Can you say bullshit. I told him then your not Shift leader yet if you have to take a damn test for it to be official and get your raise. But he's already in his "Shift Leader" mentality that he has so much responsibility and the reason he has to work all these days is because someone got suspended from his job and now he's filling the shifts. 12-8 everyday. Puh-leeze Hispanegro! Then I see him last night and he's all down and out about how he hasn't got to spend much time with me and he misses me. Please if you missed me you wouldn't be volunteering for extra shifts so save it. I know hes thinking about all the extra money he will have but don't bitch about the shit when your taking it upon yourself to act as the shift leader without it being official and not even being paid for it yet and now you take it upon yourself as to fill others peoples shifts is your duty because your "Shift leader". So I ask him, Is it always going to be like this? he replies what? I say, You putting your job before everything. He replies, I Dunno. I then say, well i hope you can find a real answer to that soon. I'm tired of loving so hard. Is that Wrong To care so much about a person? For caring About US? Maybe I'm Overreacting?

Structure

Structure is something i definitely need in my life. I need it from the top of my curly ass head to the bottom of my handsome ass feet. I Need to start having balance in this crazy ass world of mine. Balance i find is definitely key. I need to start making things in my life clear and simple to avoid as much confusion as possible. I need first of to set my ass a bed time [Yes I know I'm too damn old to have a bed time and ain't had a bed time since about the 3rd grade], but i love my sleep and these days i find myself waking up with barely enough time to wash my face & brush my hair because I'm so damn tired and too damn lazy to get up when the alarm rings the 1st time. Now Notice I left out brushing my teeth, I left it out because for the first time in my life i forgot to brush my teeth in my hurry to get to work on time. Now trust and believe a nigga never forgets because you can ask anyone who knows me my Pearly whites stay white and clean and are one of my greatest assets. Can You say pissed from 10-4. PISSED! I find myself struggling to keep up wit my school work on time and find myself hours before its time to go to school finishing work and not completing all of the assignments [I.E. Yesterdays Class!] PISSED! I'm barely finding time to eat some days. REALLY PISSED! My bank account is definitely not where it needs to be[PISSED!!!!!!!] at the moment and i now know that i need to set an amount that i need to deposit every 2 weeks and keep the other funds in my pockets so that i don't overspend. Structure is definitely what i need at this point i need to focus so bad.

My relationship With my Boyfriend [yes we ended up getting back together tho at a point it seemed like we never broke up] has hit a snag. Nothing Big. Just Confusing.

Sorrow Decreased

I Must Say that i loved my break from school last week. Only work in the morning and i rarely ever get scheduled more than a 6 hour shift and then being able to come home and not do anything. Not a damn thing. It was nice just to be able to change clothes after work and just sit at home and enjoy life for once. So as i was enjoying life you can tell that i got nothing accomplished Lol. I'm still strong in my campaign against smoking. The weird thing is that i haven't even had the urge to smoke and the one time i did i was drinking and when the blunt came my way i simply dismissed it. Can you say progress? It may not seem like progress to you but for someone who loves weed and all of its heavenly nature [after all it is Nature's Candy, It's From The Earth, And in the words Of Smoky "God Put This Here For Me And You"] It's progress. After Saturdays Winter storm i was so drained. My back still hurts from all the damn shoveling i did that day. Ive realized my passion in life [Graphic Design] and sadly due to hasty decisions it has to take a backseat for a couple years. But i will still pursue it whole heartedly in my own way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lately I have been inspired By the works of Peter Chung creator of the One of a kind Aeon Flux, Katsuhiro Otomo creator of the brilliant Akira, Artist Moebius, and Nickelodeons Avatar: The Last Airbender [Fire Nation Exclusively]. All of these are great influences on my ideas for my own creation. The problem is that i want my work to look something like these and am having trouble developing my own style. It's gonna take a while to find my signature but when I do it will be the shit. Believe It.

I am definitely buying The complete Collection of Aeon Flux Episodes On Amazon, Along With Akira.

Here's A episode Of Aeon Flux One of my favorites as a matter of fact. For those of you who don't know Aeon Flux is a character who dies in every episode and in the entire first season there was no talking in any of the episodes. Except for the Word "Plop!" In this episode. So Its like a visual Narrative told absolutely through the animation. I Love It. This episode is influenced by a book called Story Of The Eye. Alot of people don't understand this animation but it has always been a favorite of mine since MTV began airing it in the early 90's. This a animation done by Peter Chung who definitely has his own signature style And from seeing it showed me that nothing ever has to be perfect as you will soon see. Creativity Is Not Perfect But Pure, Natural, & Fluid.

[I Should Start An Art Blog... Just A Thought] :)

Aeon Flux - Leisure

Rest & Relaxation

What i need is some good ass rest and relaxation. Tomorrow i think im just going to stay home and sleep. Think about all the things i need to do that will make me happy. Life is beating me up and i just feel worn out. I have recently started working out trying to get that body i so desperately want. Trying desperately to refocus on school [my heart just isnt in it]. Eliminating bad habits like smoking[6 days strong]. Developing ideas for a character in a comic/animation/short film I'm working on and will hopefully before i die bring to life. And just worrying about my well being, my health, and my happiness. The last 3 things are the most important to me these days. I feel like i really need to start taking better care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. These days I'm just trying to focus on what makes me better. There is so many people i encounter who are so negative and who are doing nothing but trying to bring me down. The negativity is slowly making me crumble, and I'm so sick of everyone. I feel as if I'm trying to find myself. I have been so alone these days, especially since i broke up with my boyfriend and he seems to be on games[I'M SO OVER IT!]. Now i feel like its time to give up the immature people, the negative people, the people who don't want to see me rise to the top and take myself to the next level. I'm tired of negative posts...... I want positive things to write about in life. I feel as if theres so much out there for me and I'm just here. I dread to one day wake up an old man and pitying myself because I never experienced life. From this day on I'm doing what i need to do and am gonna try to be more positive, surround myself with positive people, and enjoy my life. Being happy with myself and my life has always been a hurdle and a struggle but i feel as if i put my mind to it i can achieve what i have be longing for.

Not Sure

Right now i feel like a fool who is in love. Your my first love and you will always be in my heart. My mind is racing with thoughts..... assumptions. I don't want to assume. It's hard when i don't know anymore, I don't know if you really love me. I don't know if your playing games with my heart, But like i stated previously I Don't want to assume. I guess only time will tell if I am playing myself for you. If I am..... my heart will break into even smaller pieces and we both know you wont be there to pick up the pieces. I want to believe but I am not so sure. Not at all. Its hard, and I am Unsure. My mind is not at peace. Not at all. Should I follow my heart which tells me to believe you..... you will return to me....... return my love. Or should I follow my Mind which is telling me to get over you before its too late. Options. Which Do I Choose. It's Hard...... Love. Your my first love and you will always be in my heart...... But will I always be in yours?

?

I've been so confused lately. Confused about Life in general and the path i am currently walking down. I feel as if i need to be cleansed. Like i just need all the negative energy sucked away from me. I dont think my mind is at peace. So with that said I wont create another post until i have something positive to reflect on.



Until that time comes....



*PRIMO

6 Months

Its actually hit me. My bestfriend is officially In England. For the next 6 months my bestfriend will be studying abroad in europe. Im so happy for her, this is a once in a lifetime experience and i know she will soak up every minute of it like a sponge. Im so so Proud of her and the women she is becoming. She is one of the very few females that i went to school with and is actually doing something positive with her life. I couldnt be more happy for her.



But at the same time i am sad. I mean my bestfriend is gone for 6 months what am i to do. I guess i can take this next 6 month period as a stepping stone to get alot of things done, accomplish alot of goals, and not be where i am today.

And Atleast ill get to see plenty of pictures and hear plenty of stories. I cant wait.

Communication

Yesterday i was supposed to go out wit my boyfriend and his friends or whatever. but he pissed me off and i said fuck it. I didnt answer his calls or his texts all night. So I called him this morning to talk to him. Like usual his first response is he doesnt care. Thats what pisses me off. He can never seem to meet me halfway in this relationship. He cant seem to talk to me about anything. i cant have a decent conversation without him half-ass paying attention and then cussing me out and hanging up. I guess im kinda tired of it. Im tired of not having communication. Being in love with someone whos not in love with me and cant meet me halfway on anything. Someone Who disregards what i say and simply doesnt care about me and my feelings. Like when i called him today and told him i was mad at him he goes i dont care so what. I dont feel like talkin to you right now. So im going to give him his space, because at this point Its what ive been saying from the beginning. My feelings and what i say dont count. Theres no communication. He simply doesnt care. This is my first relationship so i came into expecting nothing. But i atleast thought there would be a middle ground where i could talk to him. I guess theres not. We have been together about 4 months. Im Sick of his attitude. He just cant seem to listen to me. And when hes listening its going in one ear and out the other. I Dont know. I guess i need a break.

On The Move.....

Usually i sit back and laugh at people who are way too serious about myspace. But seeing as how i actually went to school with this person i just had to talk about it. Cause its a damn mess. MESS!

I know a girl who gave up a track scholarship to stay and go to community college, end up getting pregnant, and now is trying to blow up and make a modeling career out of her myspace page (I.E. Cassie, Tila Tequila, 50 Million other people With myspace pages.) After getting pregnant, dropping out of school, getting duped by numerous guys who shes given money and her car too and ended up fucked over she still the same airhead and making the same mistakes. Quite frankly I'm never one to hate but this girl was book smart as hell and a complete Airhead when it came to the streets. In her aspirations to become a model she is now doing local videos for local artists around the Cleveland area ( and i mean none of the ones they actually play on the radio). She has done about 3 of these local low budget videos. So low budget shes worn the same outfit in 2 of the 3 videos. Shes doing the usual video girl role in these videos: dancing in close to nothing, for people who have close to nothing. Especially in the video she danced in made by someone who is from our hometown and every nigga in the video was someone i went to high school with and either didn't graduate, dropped out, has 3-4 baby mamas, doesn't want to graduate and is complacent with staying in the bum town we call home because here the girls think they shit. No Aspirations. When i seen these videos i was in awe because she was someone who could have went somewhere and done something with her life. Instead shes using her myspace page to try and blowup. I find it sad that shes a self proclaimed Official Aspiring Model-Video Girl-Actress On the Move. Shes willing to do anything from weddings, nudity, birthdays to barmitzvahs. This girl is serious and i hear while shes working part time at Ponderosa that she may not even be getting paid to do these videos. On her page you can find her in many photoshoots shes done in her Video Outfit. and shes even posted a new photoshoot of her in a bubblebath in her bikini. Whats it sound like to you? I really think this girl needs to enroll back in school, Take care of her child and get her shit together. She is constant comic relief to me and my bestfriend, both of us having went to school with her her since about 7th grade. I dont know about the people that live around me. Everyones so complacent. It sickens me and reminds me of why i try to get out of here and why i stayed outta the crowd during highschool. I Would post her videos from youtube but i dont want to embarrass her anymore than shes does herself because there hasnt been one time where someone mentions her name and they bring up the videos and laugh at her. Maybe its her dream, But if Video Modeling was my ultimate goal in life, I would feel defeated, wonder where ill be in 5 years and know that i still have a lot to learn.

Relieved..... [Thank You God]

I can honestly say god does listen to you when you speak to him. the last week i been talkin bout my school / car situation and how i might have had to drop for lack of transportation. I was down for a long time. Not Myself. I really didnt know what i was gonna do. So about saturday i gave up. I mean i gave up i had no options at this point. At that point i hit my knees and prayed and told god i was putting it in his hands, only he could find me something at this point. Not to go to church on you or anything but Im thankful for transportaion at this point. Monday i went to school and told my recruiter about my car troubles, she said she would see what she can do. wednesday rolled around and she told me about this girl from my area who had the exact same classes as i do. So i talked to the chick wednesday and she said she dont have no problem doing it. Ill hit her up wit some gas money and its all good.




Thank You.

No matter how hard i try to stay optimistic about my school / car situation i just cant seem to find a way. I just find it so hard to believe that i will probably have to drop out of school soon. It hurts me deeply. I really don't want to drop out of school and at this point dropping out mid semester will cause me to have to start paying back these student loans immediately and will probably damage my financial aid. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but i keep breaking down. I'm at a loss. I Have no other options. I guess I'm done. I Really don't know what to do. I Really don't. Its coming around the corner so quickly and i still dont have a ride to school Wednesday or Friday. What will i due. I thought i would atleast have until tax time but at they way things are going i wont have such luck.


GOD! PLEASE HELP ME!

Jeopardy

Jeopardy: Risk of loss or injury; peril or danger.

I used to ask myself could my life get any worse. I'll never ask myself that question again because the answer is it always can. These days life just seems to get worse for me. It just seems to crush me without any effort or hesitation. I feel like a fool. No. I Am A Fool. I am a fool to think that things will ever change for me. I would have to be a fool to think that i can make my life worth something, to think that things would ever look up for me, to think that I could ever make the life for me that i always wanted. What a fool. How Foolish Of Me. Right now i am losing everything, everything including my mind. Right now i feel like drowning myself. I don't feel like living. After all, i have nothing to live for. Not a damn thing. My light just keeps getting dimmer, my spirit broken smaller, hope is nonexistent, Faith........ Faith......... My mind draws a blank. It's only me now, and as you can tell there is not much of me left. I honesty don't see anything ahead of me anymore. It has all faded into the darkness, faded back into the naive imagination from which it came. The only thing i see ahead of me now is small, dark, and cold. All i see is me back into that corner from which i came. No escape. No help. No One. Nothing. Just me and a pair of arms i know so well. Small, Dark, Cold, Me, Those arms, Those tears. The only things that have stayed consistent. The things i know so well.

Whats left of me now?

How immature of me.

How foolish of me.......