Work @ 7:00 AM :(

Scheduled for 7-3am. womp womp womp. Im so tired of workin that shift. I like 7-1 But me and 7-3 dont exactly See Eye To Eye. Im so tired of workin there. Where are all the good jobs.... Its sad really. Im So Tired of working so much and still not having shit to show. I need a car and then an apartment like NOW! Like i have to get outta here soon. I have to stop BS'ing around. And Really get on my JOB. I Didnt get Anything Accomplished today. Nothing. I Slept For Most Of It. :(

Another Rainy Day

Its Friday....

Got work after school, good thing its not till one or id be pissed if it was at 3. I have been getting back focused into my school work thank god.

Yesterday im all blowed in the car with my cousin. We stop to get some gas and my phone rings. I look on the caller ID to see my cousins name so i answer forgetting that she told me my dad would be in town this weekend. She like your dad here im like in my head [who cares?] so i start laughin party because im blowed and partly because im surprised. Then my cousin starts talkin to me and i lose my train of thought meanwhile the cousin on the phone says to call her back. So i give my cuzzo the dollar and breathe a few minutes then i call her back. He answers the phone. Our conversations are already odd and weird already theyve never been quite father & son type convos and the fact that im blowed made it weirder. But we did the usual small talk and He said he'd talk to me later since they were about to do something. it was weird as usual and random thoughts ran through my head afterwards. But at the end of the day there is no hard feelings from me toward him, But i wont act like were Best Friends either..... So..... Only Time Will Tell.

Another Week....

This is just another begining of another week. All my weeks start and end the same way....

I went to see how withdrawing from english would affect my Financial Aid. It Wont but she said it would be better if i tried to complete. I havent been to class in like 2 weeks maybe, but im gonna go back wednesday and try to complete everything from this point on. Not just in English but everyclass. I really need to get my shit together, but its hard times right now. Especially trying to balance school, work, HomeWork and all the other countless things i need to do like eating, sleeping, getting a drivers license. The list goes on. many things i could have accomplished already if i didnt work so damn much. Work is driving me crazy. literally to the point where i now have heart palpitations. Something i never had before in my damn life. Ive rapidly lost weight since i started working. it just doenst seem fair all the shit i go through. But life isnt fair now is it? Its cool tho cuz i once i get the required amount of money in the bank im quitting and finding another job. Im tired of going to work being taken advantage by white people. Too bad i have to go to work today and tommorow. Im really sick of it. My head has been pounding since this morning and my heart doing the same on and off.

I look at myself in the mirror often and am disgusted with my appearance. I look like a stick figure. It seemed like just when i was getting comfortable with what i looked like, and who i was as a person everything started to crumble slowly around me. Nothing is positive right now. There is nothing that i can honestly look at in a positive light and be happy about at the moment. Nothing.

Weekend

This weekend like every weekend was spent working at my place of employment. The place where i work like a slave and bring home very little. I really want to quit, but at the end of the day what would i do about money? From dealing with unpleasent customers to lazy ass bosses with equally lazy ass kids made my day hell. There hasnt been a highlight to this day yet, But then again is there ever a highlight to anyday in my life...... I Think Not. I miss doing even the little things i used to like going to Super K or driving around all night or getting Baskin Robbins Nightly with the Bops, even watching tv.

I feel like once i get this check and save up just a little more Dinero i will be able to purchase myself a car and do what ever my heart pleases. It will be even a joy to drive myself to school, leave and go when i please, visit whomever i want when i want. But 1st i must accomplish the feat of acquiring my L's (Damn Manuverablity :{) and obtaining some sort of insurance. The latter i dont know what ill do seeing as how i dont even have health insurance. But ill have to do what i do in the meantime to make things work for the moment. But It's not like i have a choice in the matter anyways. Some are just born this Unlucky I guess.

What Am I Doing?

Im sitting here in the lab supposed to be in English wondering if I should withdraw or not. I haven't been there in exactly a week since last Wednesday to be exact. Its really sad seeing as how I think I am just being lazy by not going. I am sort afraid to show my face in class simply because I have no paper to turn in Monday and I don't feel like doing one after the other got erased. It sucks. I have to get back on track with this school thing. This week has been the worst so far. I missed 2 math classes all of my English for the week. Im passing math the but English is another subject. Im really gone have to buckle down and start concentrating on school and what I want to accomplish. Especially in English. I hate this class. I am so bored throughout the whole 50 minute class that most of the time when I am supposed to be paying attention my mind wonders to the Incredible concoction that is Ass, Lips, and Gorgeous Eyes. All of which belong to a certain someone in another class, Who when I get to school I am anxious to catch just a glimpse of. Too bad that this someone never seems to notice me. Even after I got all cute yesterday I didnt even see this person, and found myself slightly dissapointed in a way. I guess thats why they call it a crush.

Trying to get over this person is hard as hell when you see them almost everyday. I wish i just had a clear sign or something to go by, but with no clear sign im just left wondering at the end of the day. With so many "What If's" floating through my brain i know i would feel low if this person was in fact like me and i didnt take a chance, but then if this person isnt there would be so many risks, so many things that could go wrong. Who really knows. I guess only time will tell.

1st

Finally a place where i can document all the daily bullshit that seems to form a road block in my path. My desires for Love, Happiness, Acceptance, and the ability to one day Stand On My Own 2 Feet and be Financialy Stable. And the Ugliness in this world that stresses me to no end, Never ceasing in the ability to break me down once again. This is that place....