Christmas

Its Christmas Morning....... Like any year since the sixth grade the first thing i thought about when i woke up this morning was that it doesn't feel like Christmas. Not at all. I guess since ill be having to drop out of school very soon, i cant find the motivation to really get happy about anything anymore. I feel like my future is in limbo. It seems as if i can never catch a break never have a moment in my life when things can go right for once. I finally find a job and now i have no for sure transportation to school. It seems like even when I'm trying to do something right, something positive, something that will better myself there is always something that goes wrong or something i cant seem to fix that brings me right back to down to square one. Something that always has the ability to break the little bit of spirit i have left in me just a little more. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just not meant to accomplish anything. If I'm just destined to live my life as a dreamer, someone who dreamed of doing bigger and better things but just never seemed to get that far. At this point i feel like i have everything against me. Like I'm backed into a corner with no possible way of getting out, like theirs no significant sliver of light to guide me out of this darkness. I'm trying to keep a optimistic demeanor but i feel as if threes no hope. I feel as if I really just cant seem to get ahead. Ill never be where i want to be. At a time where i am supposed to be grateful and happy i cant help but to think that Ill die here a sad lonely man thinking about what i could have done with my life......